The topic of sexual intimacy is often filled with shame, or can even feel burdening for women. Men are often free to discuss sex, but women are often shamed for wanting, enjoying and having sex before marriage. Then they are shamed for not fulfilling their “duty” on demand as a wife.
The topic of sex and sexual intimacy can get even more overwhelming while pregnant or during postpartum recovery.
Pregnancy is a wild ride that is so personal to each woman and varies by each pregnancy she has. You may be swollen with one kid and never stop puking with the next. You may have a drama-free pregnancy or you may end up on bedrest. Your sex drive might be at a level that would make your teenage self blush. Or, it could be at an all-time low that builds embarrassment in your heart.
I’m here to tell you that you’re normal and not alone. No matter if you’re feeling at your sexiest with your bump or completely uncomfortable, you’re normal.
Pregnancy hormones do a number on a woman’s body and it’s all NORMAL. I was in the camp of feeling uncomfortable while pregnant. I was nauseous during the first trimester which is total mood killer. Then at a certain point, my belly just became awkward. Positions were hard, I would get out of breath, I had back spasms, and then Nora would kick her daddy straight in the penis. So hot, right? Nope.
I’m very fortunate to have a partner that is gracious, supportive and caring. I needed to be cared for and protected. This became even more important during my postpartum recovery. At six weeks your OB will check to see how you’re healing and let you know if it’s safe to have sex or not.
I was cleared and cried on the way home.
It might’ve been safe for my vagina but I wasn’t ready. I was so exhausted and my body hurt. To be frank, my nipples could not take another mouth on them. I had developed muscle tension headaches that would make me dizzy and in excruciating pain. Sometimes I couldn’t even open my eyes. I still had so much fluid coming out of my body that I felt uncomfortable with the idea of my husband being that up close and personal. I wasn’t ready for sexual intimacy and my husband loved me by prioritizing my physical, mental and emotional recovery over his needs.
I’ve met some women that were literally counting down the six-week clock. They couldn’t wait! That’s amazing and also completely normal. Get yours, honey! If you’re not down to clown at six weeks though, have an open and honest conversation with your partner.
It takes almost ten months to grow and then squeeze out a full human from your body. You are not expected to feel up to your extracurricular activities after six weeks.
Sexual intimacy with your partner is a beautiful and important thing to share. Just don’t forget that your body and enjoyment are also a priority. Maybe tried and true positions just aren’t doing it for you anymore. Be vocal about your needs and your limits while pregnant and also as you recover.
And ladies, there’s nothing wrong with some self-love to stay connected or get reacquainted to that side of yourself. You do you boo.