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THE DIARY OF A BONUS MOM

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my momish moments, diary of a bonus mom

"I didn't give you the gift of life, but life gave me the gift of you."

LATEST MOM HACKS:

activities to do with kids over break
December 29, 2019

10 (Fun!) Educational Activities To Do With Kids This Holiday Break

If you’re looking for engaging educational activities to do with your kids this holiday break, here are a few...

by Marisa Donnelly
happy kid on a toddler bike
November 29, 2019

7 Black Friday Bike Deals You Don’t Want To Miss

If your little ones (or big kiddos) love biking, here are some of the best Black Friday bike deals...

by Marisa Donnelly
woman doing DIY home cleaning
November 26, 2019

8 DIY Home Cleaning Tips (For Less Than $5)

Whether you're hosting for the holidays or just looking to give your home a makeover, here are some DIY...

by Marisa Donnelly
tips for winterizing your home
November 25, 2019

18 DIY Tips For ‘Winterizing’ Your Home

If you live in a chilly state, here are some DIY winterizing tips to help you get your home...

by Marisa Donnelly

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FROM THE HEART:

happy family loving a dad and his son

5 Things I’ve Learned Loving A Dad And His Son

by Marisa Donnelly

I am a bonus mom to my boyfriend's son and frequently share about our journey. Here are five things I've learned in loving a dad and his son.

January 5, 2020
From The Heart, Parenting Stories
your child doesn't need fixing

Dear Mom: Your Child Doesn’t Need ‘Fixing’

by Marisa Donnelly

I know, sometimes, it feels like there are so many things wrong. But your child doesn’t need ‘fixing.’ Your child was made exactly as who he or she is.

January 2, 2020
From The Heart
candid bonus parenting advice

Candid Bonus Parenting Advice You Need To Read Right Now

by Marisa Donnelly

Here's some candid bonus parenting advice: stop comparing, stop stressing, and stop wishing you could do or be different. Simply show up and be you.

October 10, 2019
From The Heart
My Bonus Mom Story

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Our Unfiltered Life:

"The most rewarding part about being a bonus dad i "The most rewarding part about being a bonus dad is watching Layla learn and grow. Seeing her accomplish little tasks she has been trying to accomplish is such a great feeling. The best thing she says to me that gets me every time is “Dad, I freaking love you!” She even tells Tiffany, my wife, “Mom, Dad freaking loves me!” when I’m not with them.⠀ ⠀ Everything about being a bonus dad is rewarding, even when we have to discipline. Fatherhood is a learning experience so I wouldn’t change anything; I love everything about being Layla’s dad."⠀ — @j_daddy3317 #becomingabonusdad⠀⠀ ⠀ _____⠀ To submit your own stories, visit mymomishmoments.com and look for 'contact.' Send us an email or DM us! 💞 #momishmoments ⠀
I took Austin to the doctor the other day. Poor li I took Austin to the doctor the other day. Poor little guy is always catching colds. "I have a weak immune system," he says through his stuffy nose as the doctor walks in. We exchange a smile over his tuft of messy, sandy blonde hair.⠀ ⠀ We leave the appointment and go to the lab. He's getting his blood drawn for the first time, an allergy test to rule anything else out of the equation. "It's going to hurt a little," I say, as he wiggles into the chair. "But you're brave. Braver than me."⠀ ⠀ He nods his head and looks down at the pale white skin at the crook of his elbow. "Is that my vein?' he asks, tracing the line of blue.⠀ ⠀ "Yes," the nurse says, "Now you have to hold really still, okay?"⠀ ⠀ "Here," I say, "Look at me. Let's talk about the weekend."⠀ ⠀ His brown eyes look at mine and I start to tell him about the plans for Saturday, about the weather, about taking our dog Styles to meet his friends at the beach. As the needle enters his skin he doesn't break eye contact. I watch his little eyes flutter wider as he grimaces with pain.⠀ ⠀ "You're doing so good, bud," I say, "You're almost done. And then we can decide if we want to get Mexican food on Friday or Saturday after the beach, okay?"⠀ ⠀ He nods his head, looks at me in a way that almost breaks my heart. The trust, expressed in that tiny moment. The knowing, that even though it hurts, I'm here, squeezing his little hand.⠀ ⠀ And I always will be.⠀ ⠀ We step out of the office moments later, and he unconsciously reaches for my hand as we walk to the car. "So, I think Saturday," he says.⠀ ⠀ "Saturday?"⠀ ⠀ "For Mexican food."⠀ This is the childlike innocence, the finding something beautiful, even when it hurts. This is the little things. Tiny moments I wouldn't trade for the world. #momishmoments⠀
Dear Mom, I know it feels like there are a thousan Dear Mom, I know it feels like there are a thousand different ‘solutions’ to the struggles your child is facing. I know there are countless books and articles, magazines and posts about what you can do to help and to ‘fix.’ I know, sometimes, it feels like there are so many things wrong. But your child doesn’t need ‘fixing.’⠀ ⠀ Your child was made exactly as who he or she is.⠀ ⠀ _____⠀ For more articles on #motherhood check out mymomishmoments.com ❤️ #momishmoments ⠀
Three plates, three sets of shoes, three people in Three plates, three sets of shoes, three people in the family portrait hanging on the wall in the front room. This is the family I chose. ⠀ ⠀ This is home.⠀ ⠀ [Excerpts from my article on being a #bonusmom on @Medium. Search for 'Marisa Donnelly' on Medium and you'll see it at the top of my page. 💞For more writing, follow my writer account, @_marisadonnelly!] #momishmoments⠀
What I wish people knew about my son’s dyslexia What I wish people knew about my son’s dyslexia is that sometimes there are no signs.⠀ ⠀ Dyslexia is silent. My son can open a book and flip through pages without reading; he can access his assistive technology and get through the assignment without learning anything at all. And it’s not because he doesn’t care. It’s not because he’s ignoring, avoiding, or simply quitting. Sometimes you just can’t see what he’s going through because it’s a battle he’s facing alone.⠀ ⠀ What I wish people knew about my son’s dyslexia is that it doesn’t make him stupid or slow.⠀ ⠀ Just because he struggles with reading and writing doesn’t mean he’s not capable. Just because he has a hard time understanding his right from his left doesn’t mean he’s dumb. Yes, some of the things that are ‘basic’ or ‘easy’ to you might be complicated for him. And yes, he might do things that make you shake your head or roll your eyes.⠀ ⠀ But he’s not stupid; he just learns differently.⠀ ⠀ What I wish people knew about my son’s dyslexia is that it doesn’t define him.⠀ ⠀ He may carry his learning disabilities like a badge plastered to his chest, “This is what’s wrong with me.” He may get down and discouraged on himself and the things he can’t do. He may feel like his life is centered around tests, and assessments, and people who are constantly talking about his needs.⠀ ⠀ But his dyslexia isn’t who he is; he is always a person first.⠀
I've always been an independent person. When I was I've always been an independent person. When I was in college, I worked multiple part-time jobs and spent a lot of time alone. I knew I was going to move across the country and I wanted to save up money, so I buried myself in books, in my writing, and in my work, trying my best to carve a new path. I valued my own company, my own drive, my own sense of self-worth.⠀ ⠀ Becoming a #bonusmom has changed that entire narrative. (And in a good way.) If I'm being honest, I used to be the type of person who judged those that put aside their careers and dreams to have children. I thought, in some way, they were sacrificing their true selves for their families, and that felt inherently wrong.⠀ ⠀ What I've realized, though, as I've gone through my own journey and made *sacrifices* and choices of my own, is that nothing about starting a family is a sacrifice. Sure, your path changes, but so does your heart. Sometimes you put aside your *plans* to put others first. And sometimes you put aside others to prioritize yourself. It's a give and take. And there's nothing wrong with doing both — family and career — either.⠀ ⠀ Children change everything. And that doesn't mean I've given up on my business, on my passions, and on the things that matter to me. It means I've realized that MORE matters — more being this boy and his father and the life we're building together. 👪⠀
There is something about the simplicity of our fam There is something about the simplicity of our family that I’ve come to appreciate. Nights sitting on the patio, listening to the sound of distant waves. Nose kisses and bedtime songs as I tuck his son into bed. Mornings with fuzzy slippers and warm coffee brewing as I pack lunches and decorate their vitamins on the edges of ceramic plates like smiley faces.⠀ ⠀ These are our simple moments that I never thought I’d find comfort in, settling into a life that I’ve come to identify as mine, as ours.⠀ ⠀ And I’m happy here.⠀ ⠀ [Excerpts from my latest article on @Medium about being a #bonusmama and my little family! ❤️ To read, search 'Marisa Donnelly' on Medium and you'll see it at the top of my page!] ⠀ ⠀ 📷: @denisekophoto
Sometimes I Just have to pinch myself. I'm a mom. Sometimes I Just have to pinch myself. I'm a mom. WHAT?! ⠀ ⠀ It's different for us #bonusparents because we didn't' necessarily *plan* to become parents. Parenting was something that came to us, something that we willingly said 'yes' to, in a way that's different than planning for bringing a child into the world.⠀ ⠀ Sometimes you don't quite realize the gravity of your situation, the importance of your role at first. Saying 'yes' to love means saying 'yes' to being a prominent figure in that child's life. Forever.⠀ ⠀ That's terrifying, but so beautiful, too.⠀ To my child: you have my heart. Always. ❤️⠀
The other day I picked Austin up from school and h The other day I picked Austin up from school and he was so excited to share how he helped his class group create a salad. He was all fired up about my spring mix and new air fryer and all on his own, he navigated the kitchen, got out his materials, and carefully chopped ingredients, shredded cheese, and created this little masterpiece.⠀ ⠀ As I watched him (biting my nails in fear every time he lifted the knife) I realized something fundamentally important about being a parent, and about my parenthood in particular. Sometimes it's so easy to see myself as the 'knight in shining armor,' as the healer, doer, fixer. I swoop in and try to save Austin from bullies, from people teasing him about his dyslexia, from teachers who don't fully believe him, from educational programs that don't serve his needs, etc. etc.⠀ ⠀ I put on this superhero cape and try to protect him from falling off his skateboard, from being disappointed when an adult figure in his life lets him down, from cutting his fingers, from being put in a situation where his reading abilities are seen as a measure of who he is.⠀ ⠀ But watching him navigate that kitchen on his own, be patient and careful (even with his fine motor difficulties) and really take pride in doing things on his own, I realized that sometimes my job as a mom is to take a back seat.⠀ ⠀ He's not defined by his #learningdisabilities or his weaknesses. And yes, I can fight like hell for him. But he is also capable. And he can, and will, also fight for himself. My job is to facilitate that. And as much as my focus is on building up his weaknesses, I need to praise, acknowledge, and provide opportunities for him to shine with his strengths, too. ⠀
As I've stepped into my new identity of motherhood As I've stepped into my new identity of motherhood, I've learned a lot. I used to think that there was so much more to life than being a mom. If I'm being honest, sometimes I judged people for wanting their futures to be filled with marriage and kids -- for me, there was always more I wanted to accomplish, more I wanted to do, more I wanted to be than *just* a mom. I became a mom by accident -- stepping into the life of a single parent, a father just trying to figure at all out. And that's what I'm doing, just trying to figure it all out by his side. & of all the lessons I've learned so far (and there are many) what I realized about motherhood is that there isn't a line between being a mom and being a career-driven woman. You can be both. You can be more. If you feel your identity rests in the way you love your children, that's beautiful. Just like it's beautiful to be someone whose identity rests and work. Or family and work combined. There's been a lot of sacrifices I've made since I became a #bonusmom and now I see things from the other side. I'm now judged for the decisions I'm making and whether or not it's *smart* to put some of my dreams *aside* to care about a child. Now, from the other side, I understand that sometimes the greatest lesson in life comes from determining your own identity and path. No one can write or tell your story for you; you have to choose who you want to be and be proud of that -- even if others don't necessarily agree. I love this quote because as I've changed and grown into my identity as Austin's mom, I've realized that being a mother is one of my most important jobs. And that doesn't mean I'm giving up on my career, my vision, my business, or my personal self. It just means that I'm valuing what I'm doing with him and I'm thankful for the opportunity to love him. ❤️ ___ So moms (and dads) embrace your identity, whatever it is. Don't apologize for being a stay-at-home parent, for working extended hours, for taking days off when your kid comes down with a cold, for calling a babysitter or nanny to help. Everyone has their own journey, okay? And you are doing the best you can. (And that's enough.) #momishmoments
I still don't know what being a 'mom' is supposed I still don't know what being a 'mom' is supposed to look like, be like, feel like. I'm still navigating how to enforce rules, while not being too strict or setting guidelines and boundaries without imposing too much of my personal fears or beliefs. I'm learning how to be a fill-in parent on playdates, how to stand my ground, how to honor myself and my load and say I need help when it all feels like too much.⠀ ⠀ It's an imperfect journey, but one I feel blessed to be on.⠀ And I think I'm doing alright. 💙
I think one of the craziest things about being a # I think one of the craziest things about being a #bonusmom, for me, is recognizing that my thoughts, my choices, my feelings, my decisions are no longer my own. I've learned, unconsciously, to make room for the other people in my life and realize how who I am and what I'm doing directly impacts them.⠀ ⠀ I guess this sounds silly, but for someone who just *found* herself in a family, rather than writing her own motherhood story, it's different. It's realizing that I'm no longer myself — I am these other humans, too. I am a part of this home, this family, this bond. Forever. ❤️ #momishmoments⠀
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DAILY MOTHERHOOD QUOTE:

"I thought I knew all the boundaries of myself, that I understood the limits of my heart. It’s extraordinary to have all those limits thrown out, to realize your love is inexhaustible."

Uma Thurman
happy kid smiling between parents

NAVIGATING SPECIAL NEEDS:

7 Last-Minute Christmas Gifts For Kids With AutismFinding the right gifts for kids with Autism means understanding the child's unique needs...December 21, 2019

5 Things I Wish People Knew About My Son’s DyslexiaDyslexia is a silent learning disability. It’s not something you can clearly see or...November 16, 2019

7 Encouraging Affirmations For The Parent Of A Special Needs ChildIf you haven’t heard this today or ever—I believe in you. You can do...May 3, 2019

SAN DIEGO, TRAVEL + LIFESTYLE:

must-see San Diego Halloween haunts
San Diego

Mom’s Night Out: 3 Must-See San Diego Halloween Haunts

The Disturbance, a three-part scare, is definitely one of the must-see San Diego Halloween haunts for your next mom’s night out.

October 25, 2019
happy girl holding younger child by palm trees
Mom Hacks, San Diego, Travel

Mama On A Budget: 12 Ways To Save Money In The City

If you’re looking to get the max out of your time while being conservative with your wallet, here are 12 tips to help you save money in the city.

July 2, 2019
mom posing in front of all-natural eczema products by Keller Works
Health/Wellness

4 All-Natural Eczema Products For Mamas And Their Little Ones

This mama, beauty boss, and founder of Keller Works, Krystn Keller, created organic, non-toxic, all-natural eczema products to soothe her son's severe skin.

May 7, 2019
kid swinging upside-down on playground
San Diego

8 Best Playgrounds In San Diego

From setting up a picnic lunch, to playing a pickup game of soccer, to watching the sunset from the monkey bars, here are the best playgrounds in San Diego.

April 30, 2019
woman with face mask on staring at camera
Health/Wellness, Mom Hacks

The Lazy Mom’s Guide To Healthy, Effortless Skincare

Regardless of what you currently do or don’t do for your skin, here’s the lazy mom’s guide to skincare (without all the hassle and overpriced products).

April 29, 2019

“Little souls find their way to you, whether they're from your womb, or someone else's."

Sheryl Crow

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THE DIARY OF A BONUS MOM